Tuesday, 25 March 2014

My published story

Here is my published story that I have finished! I hope you enjoy it! Here is the success criteria and a photo of what published looks like!

                 I think I did really well, I think I used lots simalies at the right time at the right place.   
  My caving experience

As I hopped into the car and organized seats I was  anxious we were going caving! As my dad took me and my friends to the cave I looked out the window and thought to myself, I am tense  but I am going to go first and get it over and done with. I am usually quite brave but I was really nervous. What happens if the cave collapses. No it won’t my other part of my head was saying , caves have been round for millions of years! They won’t fall! the other part of my head buzzing with anxiety. 

Eventuality dad stopped the car, and pulled up. I hopped out. I also put on my helmet and grabbed my torch that was as bright as the sparkling sun. 

I was shivering with excitement while I tip toed into the cave! It was as dark as the night sky. As I got quarter of the way through  the cave, I looked down at the ground to find fresh water cray fish wriggling  around in the water with fright. I shifted my body towards the other side of the cave where there were rocks that I could clamber over. 

As I kept walking I could hear in the back of my mind my Dad saying “Keep going Hannah You can do it.” Then  I found myself ducking under a tiny bit of rock. I felt suffocated. 

I took a deep breath and worked my way under the rock. Rocks and Water surrounding me a bit like a small stream soaking my hands knees and shoes until they were drenched. I felt cold. As cold as a ice block that you would eat in summer. I ducked my head down to. I ducked it down to get myself under the rock... But all of a sudden I got stuck! I felt like I would be stuck forever! Then my dad grabbed my hands from the front and I got well......... Unstuck! I gave a sigh of relief. 

After I had gone under the rock. I hopped up. Walking through the cave with suspense. We turned round corners. It felt impossible leaping over all the rocks and stones. After about 15 minutes in the cave dad told me that we were nearly at the end. But I didn’t believe him because he had never been through this certain cave before. I kept walking. 
Nic then told us to turn our torches of. I did not realize that there were glow worms in the cave. We all looked at them, they looked like shinning pencil dots. Glow worms are quite pretty aren't they, I thought to myself.

After we had looked at the glow worms we got back up and started walking. Patter Patter. I could hear my footsteps and the other kids footsteps too! Patter Patter. 

Soon I could see a steep bit of dirt and rocks up ahead, I kept walking and.... I found light. We were now all at the start. We got down on our knees like a dog would, and started up for the light. In time we were all up out of the cave sitting on the grass panting like we had just finished a cross country race. 

Some of the kids wanted to go into the cave again they asked Nic and my dad desperately. Dad said “ask Nic.” “Certainly!” Nic replied! But remember you MUST be back in 17 minutes. OK. They said, and with a flash of lighting they were off. I didn’t go back in. I was quite happy sitting there drying of my pants and shoes. 

After a few minutes while the other kids were in the cave I was laughing so much that I  was getting lots of speckles all over my face. Their voices were coming closer and closer. My heart was pounding, I was quite anxious. I was wondering why they were coming back. Well In the end a boy called Cam had was not watching were he was going and fell into the water were there were fresh water crayfish. 

They didn’t go back into the cave after that.I think they were as wet as a dolphin that had just jumped out of the water! We all trudged threw the grass,the grass was as soft as a feather. talking about our experience. We climbed over the fence and hopped into the car. Grace was in the front seat and I was I was in the middle. We drove back to Highland home. it was a great caving experience.
By Hannah.

WOW Great story Hannah, I like the way you used lots of  adverbs verbs and similes. next time I think you could use a few more medafores and short sentences to break up the story. You also did paragraphs well! From ANna.


  1. That was a very detailed and interesting account of your caving experience Hannah. I got a good sense of what it must have been like for you from your descriptions of everything. Also, it was really good to see you editing and improving each draft of your writing. Well done! Mum

  2. I thoroughly enjoyed your recount Hannah. The text selection is superb and helps create the clear and detailed images in my head of your experiences. Language like, "my head buzzing with anxiety" and "trudged" were well selected to craft this piece. Keep up the super writing.


  3. (Hannah's Granny and Granddad.)9 April 2014 at 15:52

    Well done Hannah this is a great piece of writing. I also can see that you used lots of drafts until you came up with you published piece. Well done. Granny and Granddad