Wednesday, 19 March 2014

Draft 2

Here is my finished draft. ENJOY
W.A.L.T Entertain

After I had gone under the rock. I hopped up. Walking through the cave with suspense. We turned round corners. It felt impossible leaping over all the rocks and stones. After about 15 minutes in the cave dad told me that we were nearly at the end. But I didn’t believe him because he had never been through this certain cave before. I kept walking. 

Nic then told us to turn our torches of. I did not realize that there were glow worms in the cave. We all looked at them, they looked like shinning pencil dots. “Glow worms are quite pretty aren't they, I thought to myself.”

After we had looked at the glow worms we git back up and started walking. Patter Patter. I could hear my footsteps and the other kids footsteps to! Patter Patter. 

Soon I could see a steep bit of dirt and rocks up ahead, I kept walking and.... I found light. We were now all at the start. We got down on our knees like a dog would, and started up for the light. In time we were all up out of the gave sitting on the grass panting like we had just finished a cross country race. 

Some of the other kids wanted to go into the cave again they asked Nic and my dad desperately. Dad said “ask Nic.” “Certainly!” Nic replied! But remember you MUST be back in 17 minutes. OK. They said, and with a flash of lighting they were of. I din’t go back in I was quite happy sitting there drying of my pant and shoes. 

After a few minutes while the other kids were in the cave I was laughing so much that I was getting lots of little dots on my face. Their voices were coming closer and closer. My heart was pounding, I was quite anxious. I was wondering why they were coming back. Well In the end a boy could Cam had was not watching were he was going and fell into the water were there were fresh water crayfish. 

They din’t go back into the cave after that. We all trudged threw the grass talking about our experience. We climbed over the fence and hopped into the car Grace was in the front seat and I was I was in the middle. We drove back to Highland home it was a great caving experience.

Buddy Comment:  It is cool how you have some self thoughts! Although I think that you need to get more of a variety of adverbs.
From Anna 

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