Tuesday, 18 March 2014

My first draft.

Here is my first writing draft.

W.A.L.T Entertain

As I hopped into the car and organized seats I was worried. We were going caving! As my dad took me and my friends to the cave I looked out the window and thought to myself, I am nervous but I am going to go first and get in over and down with.

Eventuality dad stopped the car. I hopped out. I also put on my helmet and grabbed my torch that was as bright as the sparkling sun. 

I was shivering with excitement while I tip toed into the cave! It was as dark as the night sky. As I got quarter of the way thorough the cave, I looked down at the ground to find fresh water cray fish wriggling  around in the water with glee. I shifted my body towards the other side of the cave were there were rocks that I could clamber over. 

As I kept walking I could hear in the back of my mind my Dad saying “Keep going Hannah You can do it.” There I found Myself ducking under a tiny bit of rock. I felt suffocated. 

I took a deep breath and worked my way under the rock. 

Peer Comment:
 like the way you used similes and i think improve on using Medford's. 

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