Turtle Descriptive Writing

I.A.L.T: Use Complex sentences.
Description: In class we have been learning about complex sentences. There are two types of sentences that you can use a independent sentence and a dependent sentence, a independent sentence is a sentence that can stand on it's own. A dependent sentence is when you have a sentence that can stand on it's own but you can add another sentence to the same sentence.

After we learnt about independent and dependent sentences we watched a video about turtles. We then had to write down what we learnt and we had to use independent and dependent sentences in our writing. Here it is:

Sea Turtles are amazing creatures! Sea Turtles way up to a thousand pounds, thats as much 10 fully grown men. Sea turtles grow up to 6 feet tall they are really big creatures. Sea turtles eat crabs and jelly fish. Guess What? Sea Turtles lay their babies in the sand, exactly were they where born. They remember where they where born in their turtle brains and then when they are about to lay their eggs they move towards where they where born, sometimes they have to go further than 2,000 km.  Turtles swim very long distances, in half a year they can swim from Hawaii to Japan. Some of them can even travel around the whole ocean in a migration, that’s around 10000km without stopping. It’s sad, if a sea turtle laid 200 eggs only 10 of the sea turtles would live, if a sea turtle laid 100 eggs only 5 would live...

                                                                The end 

Writing

Description:
In class we did some writing about a bus stop. First we had to look at the picture of the bus stop and then we did a plan describing what the bus stop looked like, and what it's features were like!
Then we did our piece of writing. Here is mine plan and piece of writing: 

Mum, I can’t be bothered walking, i’m so tired, can’t we catch the bus? Umm ok Hannah, i’m pretty tired of walking to. Lets go and find a bus stop. “Ok” I replied and we kept walking down the road to find the closet bus stop. We walked for about 15 minutes. Suddenly I looked up. It was one of the coolest sights! Mum I screamed look how cool that is. Wow she replied! I ran up to it. 

It was bright, unique, windowless, Original, Colorful, Amusing, Shiny, Decorative, Suspicious it was also a type of shelter and then I clicked, it’s a half bus and half bus stop, and it was cool...

By Hannah

Goals For Term 3

Walt: Set Smart goals.
Task: Explain to the audience what you 'NEW SMART GOALS ARE' to make my post successful I need to, 
My writing goal is to... use similes, metaphors and emotive language to create mental images.

The reason I have chosen to focus on this goal is... because in my term 2 report my teacher asked me to focus on this in term 3 and when I read my writing back I find that it is sometimes quite boring. 

I will accomplish my goal by... reading back my story more often and asking a teacher of another person to give me advice when I am stuck. Another thing I think I need to do is find out more about metaphors and emotive langue before I get started with my next piece of writing. 

The people who can help me are... my teachers my parents but most of all me!

I want to have this goal finished by... Well I want to work on emotive langue in the holidays so that when I come back to school I will have that goal AMAZING and then in the first two weeks of school I want to work on metaphors and then in the third week put them in my story!

My reading goal is to... 'play with ideas' by using small group discussions to draw out her opinions and build on them. 

The reason I have chosen to focus on this goal is... This will help me develop inferencing and thinking skills to explore more than one possible answers and make text-words connections.

I will accomplish my goal by...  listing to other peoples conversations and what they talk about and then  say what I want to say and ask them questions about the story and also write down ideas so that I can put them in order.

The people who can help me are... My group of reading buddies my teacher and my parents and anyone else who no's how to have a good discussion around books!

I want to have this goal finished by... The end of the term, it is a goal that I can work towards and get finished by term three.

My maths goal is to... use the place value and double & half strategies in the same want as compensating. 

The reason I have chosen to focus on this goal is... because it will help me figure out a question like 19x100 faster.

I will accomplish my goal by... learning my 8 and six times tables so that I can figure  out the answer to any questions like that, 19x800 faster.

The people who can help me are...  My teacher my parents and my group buddies... But mostly me!

I want to have this goal finished by... The end of the term, it is a goal that I can work towards and get finished by term three.

SLC Writing.

WALT: Inform

Description: Write an explanation about something that you have learnt about energy.

What: We are publishing our piece of writing.

Why? To share on our blog and during our Student Led Conference.

When? Week 6

Who: The world

Here is my writing:

I am going to explain to you all about potential and kinetic energy. There are lots of ways you can show and explain energy. Lets get started explaining all about potential energy...

Potential energy is “ready” to do something, but it hasn’t happened yet. It’s got the ability to do things. For example if a ball is at the top of a hill it has the potential to roll down it. I’ll give you another example. Lets say that you have a pen and it is on the end of a table and it is hanging over the edge, that is potential energy because if I give the table a jolt it will fall off and turn into kinetic energy. Potential energy is something that is not just sitting there it has to  be able to move, and able to do something when you interact with it.

Then on the other hand there is kinetic energy. Kinetic energy is when something is moving. It’s transferring from when I am holding the “object”. When I am holding the object it has my energy but when I let it go it has it’s own energy to do things. If I push a ball down a hill it has kinetic energy because it is moving, it is moving down the hill.

Did you know that every action has a reaction? That was Sir Isaac Newtons third law.

Sir Isaac Newton is the person who invented the Newtons Cradle. He invented it to show people how a Newtons Cradle works and how it can demonstrate potential and kinetic energy.  Lets say that I have a Newtons cradle, and that I am holding just one of the metal beads. At that moment it has potential energy because it  will  bang into all the other metal beads. So once you have let that certain bead go it bangs onto the other beads which gives them the kinetic  energy. The kinetic energy passes on through the balls until it gets to the last ball, since the last ball has nowhere  to go it  turns back around and it bangs into the other ball. It works like that until the kinetic energy grows less and less and less.  Another explanation on energy transferring... If you have a swing and you are holding the swing back it has potential energy because it has the “ potential” to move and turn into kinetic energy. When you let it go it turns into kinetic energy because it is moving.

There are two types of energy potential energy is stored and kinetic energy is moving energy.  Energy can transfer between objects.   

In conclusion, you can see potential energy is stored energy, and you can see kinetic energy because it is moving energy.

I hope you enjoyed my writing!

Here is a sheet that we had to fill out. We had to see if we had meet the success crieta. I commented on how well I did, then a buddy from my writing group and then my writing teacher. Here is what they think:

Evaluation: I think that my writing was really great because I struggle writing down ideas even though there are so many of them bubbling around in my head. Next time if I got to write more I would like to have explained more on the kinetic paragraph.

My Writing about raffle for a ride.

Here is my writing all about raffle for a ride we were learning to

WALT: ENTERTAIN

Here is m

Horns and honk honk sounds wee o wee o sounds fill up my brain as I burst out the door with excitement. It was our annual raffle for a ride. “Quick.” I said to Grace hurry up we don’t want to miss the helicopter. Yep i’m coming she replied excitedly. Army tanks, ambulances, a fire truck a tractor some racing cars filled up the field  but were was the helicopter? The rain was dripping frantically  as my eyes glared past all the cars and trucks and tractors filled up the field.

We  jogged past the cars some very shiny and some really really dirty. I could see the glistening rain drops on the bonnet of the car sparkling as the sun tried to break through. We walked round in a circle until we came to the ambulance, the fire truck and the army tank. It was great because we could hop into the ambulance and the tank. There were lots of people in the line though. We went to the shorter  line which was the ambulance line! We waited and waited talking about the helicopter.

“Next two people!” Serena said! We climbed up the steps and went by hopping into the beds. There was lots of equipment that was held up on the sides of the walls. There was millions of first add kits everywhere as I looked under the bed. Oops! That gave me a fright the siren had gone off. The sound was like a squeaking piercing sound the kept turning over and over as people kept playing the sound for fun. We went down the aisle excited to press the ambulance button. 

Causally I reached out my hand to touch the button but “What if What if!” I thought to myself in suspense. Ok! 3,2,1! Grace you can go first. She didn’t want to press it either so we walked back the other way. Grace talked to me and said “ wonder when the helicopter is coming!” Maybe it isn’t coming I said back. “It’s raining today.” "Yeah suppose so." As we tried to walk around waiting for the helicopter it was like the whole world was in the field, it felt like I was going to bump into anybody every second! 

10 past 9 and we were still waiting. Then suddenly, I heard a noise. it was kinda like a grunting sound but 1,000000000000 times louder than you would imagine. I looked up. I looked left. I looked right. I looked down and then looked straight up. And there it was. The helicopter. It got lower and lower. Spinning. Around and around.  When it was about to land I shrieked with excitement. It tipped backwards right under a tree. It then tipped back forward then landed. I watched in amazement as out hopped the lucky 6 children. They went straight back to class. And so did we. 

It was a great raffle for a ride day. I hope to get picked out of the draw for the helicopter next year. 

The End

I also sent this piece of writing to my teacher and he replied. This is what he said and In my published piece I did improve on the stuff.

Hey Hannah,

Thanks so much for sharing your story with me. I really enjoyed reading it! You have an amazing vocabulary and do such a good job of painting a picture for the reader in their head. Your description in your second paragraph about the glistening rain drops sparkling as the sun tried to break through was AMAZING! Such an awesome way to describe it. I was definitely entertained, which was our intention!

Have a quick look through for spelling mistakes (shorter, didn't) and make sure whenever there is speaking or noises being made to have speech marks around them. Then I think it is ready for your blog

Enjoy the rest of your holidays and I hope you get lots of easter eggs.

Troy

Writing task

Today we did some writing with a reliever. We had to write about something that we do often and then write about it giving clues but not telling them what it is! Have a look at my writing and comment down below what you think I am doing.

At about 11 o'clock in the morning I am on a sunday

Puffing Puffing Puffing! Going faster and faster and then slower and slower. Reaching my arms out as I can feel the pain in my legs and arms. Breathing every few seconds and trying to form the correct arm and leg movement. I can  feel the funny smell and then that same strong smell making me sneeze an I keep pushing through. Why do I do this I sometimes think as the teacher go’s Keep going don’t stop AS I Stop to get a drink.. Sometimes I think about random things as I see my brother and my mum and sometimes my dad closely watching me. 

What am I doing?

Anagrams 

 dnace

usetoqnios

Creative Writing.

Here is some creative writing that I did. My writing is down the very bottom. Watch the video and find out what i'm talking about!
 ˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚Creative Writing˚˚˚˚˚                                         

WALT respond to a video

Task: click here to watch the video. Consider the following questions)

s the man the 'dragon master?'

Why does the dragon have to be kept locked up?

Where is the ship going?  What will happen as the ship goes into the storm at the end?

Writing opportunities: Chose one of the following to write:  

Write a description of the scene.

Write the dialogue between the pilot and his dragon.

Write a letter to his family saying goodbye and explaining his plans.

Write the ending to the narrative.  What happens as he goes through the storm.  What is on the other side?

Write your response here (remember to name your writing):

As he feeds the dragon to keep them linked and he throws it away because he doesn’t need it anymore. The man and the dragon are part of each other. They come from another universe which is exited and entered through the eye of the storm. The dragon, Exciluber,  is part of the man and the man can’t come back from the universe he is entering without the dragon . So the dragon is the key to the eye of the storm. The dragon has been unlocked because this time he is not coming back. The reason the man is going is because all hope in him has wasted away. The box holds his memories and they are too sad and he doesn’t want to remember the sadness of his old life. The green potion is what the man feeds the dragon keep them linked. Ana F

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Dear Brother.

I am too full of despair to stay any longer, I have decided to leave our home behind and go through the eye of the storm because I can’t stand it here any longer. I feel as though there is nothing left to live for in this horriefing place. The Red Death came into this world and took everything that was worth living for. I feel so angry and lost. I have no idea what fortunes or misfortunes I may face on the other side, but whatever there is I am ready to go on. I hope to make a better life and that you may come and visit me someday because I will miss you dreadfully.

Brother, I leave you Exciluber to remember me, I hope that you will never part because you are both brothers to me and I want you to both have someone to be with. I know you will look after him. Words cannot explain the sorrow in leaving you but I have to go. I just can’t stay. From your dearest brother.  Ana F

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Dear family

by the time you are reading this I will be on my journey. Im very sorry that I didn’t say goodbye but I need to go away for awhile so I am going into the eye of the storm I am taking the dragon with me to keep me company and so I don’t go crazy I am very sad to leave you all.

Kaleb M

Dear Father,

By the time you read this I will be gone. This is because I have gone through the Eye of the storm. We have feared this for too long I can not live without finding out what is on the other side. I have taken our dragon with me. I do not know if I will see you again but sent my goodbyes to the rest of our family and do not tell them where I am or come looking for me. goodbye Father.

Lili

Dear Father

By the time you are reading this I will be on my way to my destiny. I couldn’t help myself I needed to see what was on the other side of the Eye of the storm. I will be taking the dragon with me so I won’t go crazy and also will have some company. I don’t know if I will return back to your arms. Do not miss me because you will only hurt yourself just by thinking of me. Goodbye Father. I’m sorry.

J.P  

Dear Family

I have had a horrible life and I am ready to start it again. You have treated me like a pest. Thank you for letting me steal your flying ship. I so I can travel to my new world called New Zealand. I can make a new life without you and I’m going too. I am starting a new world without you so my plans can be bigger and better. You won’t be around to destroy my great plans. Georgia

Dear mother, father and siblings.

 I can not cope any longer. I am going where the world takes me. I will build a flying ship that will help me travel in the eye of the storm. I will bring our dragon to accompany me. I am too worried to leave you at risk. Mother and father, as I leave I want you too take care of siblings.

I will gather all the scraps and metal to operate my flying ship. No one must no my secret potion. Be well beloved.

Aye

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The man and the dragon are like related siblings.

 The man sends all the scraps and metal in the useless fire.

Then he gets his special locked away box. Then he reveals his secret potion. He throws it in the fire. Then gets the remaining and throws it in the end of the ship.

"It's time" He unlocked the dragon. He sent him free in the open.

Then he looks in the eye of the storm. "This is it"

Aye

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As he keeps going through the eye of the storm there was darkness. His heart was crumbling in pieces. His dragon was no longer there to accompany him.

How could he survive alone. He missed his family. Holding on tight to the same picture frame of him and his family. Then he saw a bit of light. The speck of light was the other side of the dreadful storm. He was finally free. He hurried to his map and noticed he was near and island. He zoomed back to the steering wheel and pushed the lever down. He was going full speed. He could feel the excitement in his chest. This was it. Then the floating ship gears snapped. He was about to crash. Then BOOM! Then he found himself stuck on the north island of New Zealand. Then he saw a man. "Hi! Need help! My name is Captain Cook"

Aye

As he keeps going through the eye of the storm there was pitch black darkness. I hope I come to my destiny soon. How could he live he had lost his dragon and was traveling through the storm himself scared and his heart broken into a million peices. Holding on tightly to the photograph with the picture of him and his family. After awhile of constant traveling he  saw the most tiniest bit of something. What was it? He kept powering through the ranging weather. When he kept seeing that something he pinched himself a couple of times. Yes! He was truly awake. I, I, I, I can see light. Finally! He grabbed his map tight, to tight his arms were getting so so sore while running and clutching the map. He kept going. Then he looked up he looked left he looked right he looked down. I he whispered, I think I, might be on an island somewhere. He ran to the steering thing on his boat. He pushed the lever down to full boar. He was going so so so so so so so so FAST. He could feel his legs shivering with excitement while anxiety built up as he kept getting faster. Suddenly the fast suddenly stopped. They had snapped. He suddenly realised he was about to crash. BOOM splutter sputter. Went his boat. Oh hi! Anyone around. Hi there. What’s ya name. Captain hook. Please tell me where I am. Ya on the north island. Come on have a GOLDEN tour.

Hannah

My 3rd draft

Here is my 3rd draft. I think this is my nearly finished piece of writing. There are a few strike throughs and red words these are things that I have improved.

As I hopped into the car and organized seats I was worried  anxious we were going caving! As my dad took me and my friends to the cave I looked out the window and thought to myself, I am nervous tense  but I am going to go first and get it over and done with. I am usually quite brave but I was really nervous. What happens if the cave falls collapses. down.   Know it won’t my other part of my head was saying , caves have been round for millions of years! They won’t fall! My other part of my head was saying.   My  other part of my head buzzing with anxiety. 

Eventuality dad stopped the car, and pulled up. I hopped out. I also put on my helmet and grabbed my torch that was as bright as the sparkling sun. 

I was shivering with excitement while I tip toed into the cave! It was as dark as the night sky. As I got quarter of the way through  the cave, I looked down at the ground to find fresh water cray fish wriggling  around in the water with glee  With fright. It  was a no  brannier that the were scared of us.  I moved shifted my body towards the other side of the cave where there were rocks that I could clamber over. 

As I kept walking I could hear in the back of my mind my Dad saying “Keep going Hannah You can do it.” Then  I found myself ducking under a tiny bit of rock. I felt suffocated. 

I took a deep breath and worked my way under the rock. Rocks and Water surrounding me a bit like a small stream socking my hands knees and shoes drenched. I felt cold. As cold as a ice block that you would eat in summer. I ducked my head down to. I ducked it down to get myself under the rock... But all of a sudden I got stuck! I felt like I would be stuck forever! Then my dad grabbed my hands from the front and I got well......... Unstuck! I gave a sigh of relief. 

After I had gone under the rock. I hopped up. Walking through the cave with suspense. We turned round corners. It felt impossible leaping over all the rocks and stones. After about 15 minutes in the cave dad told me that we were nearly at the end. But I didn’t believe him because he had never been through this certain cave before. I kept walking. 

Nic then told us to turn our torches of. I did not realize that there were glow worms in the cave. We all looked at them, they looked like shinning pencil dots. “Glow worms are quite pretty aren't they, I thought to myself.”

After we had looked at the glow worms we got back up and started walking. Patter Patter. I could hear my footsteps and the other kids footsteps to! Patter Patter. 

Soon I could see a steep bit of dirt and rocks up ahead, I kept walking and.... I found light. We were now all at the start. We got down on our knees like a dog would, and started up for the light. In time we were all up out of the gave sitting on the grass panting like we had just finished a cross country race. 

Some of the other kids wanted to go into the cave again they asked Nic and my dad desperately. Dad said “ask Nic.” “Certainly!” Nic replied! But remember you MUST be back in 17 minutes. OK. They said, and with a flash of lighting they were of. I din’t go back in I was quite happy sitting there drying of my pant and shoes. 

After a few minutes while the other kids were in the cave I was laughing so much that I  was getting lots of speckles all over my face.was getting lots of little dots on my face. Their voices were coming closer and closer. My heart was pounding, I was quite anxious. I was wondering why they were coming back. Well In the end a boy could Cam had was not watching were he was going and fell into the water were there were fresh water crayfish. 

They din’t go back into the cave after that. We all trudged threw the grass talking about our experience. We climbed over the fence and hopped into the car Grace was in the front seat and I was I was in the middle. We drove back to Highland home it was a great caving experience.

Buddy Comment:
 Feed ford: You need to use more adjectives and you also need to add a few more medaforeds. 

Feed Back. I LOVE the way you have used lots of similes and It's also cool the way you use them at the right time in the right place.

From Anna.

Draft 2

Here is my finished draft. ENJOY
W.A.L.T Entertain

After I had gone under the rock. I hopped up. Walking through the cave with suspense. We turned round corners. It felt impossible leaping over all the rocks and stones. After about 15 minutes in the cave dad told me that we were nearly at the end. But I didn’t believe him because he had never been through this certain cave before. I kept walking. 

Nic then told us to turn our torches of. I did not realize that there were glow worms in the cave. We all looked at them, they looked like shinning pencil dots. “Glow worms are quite pretty aren't they, I thought to myself.”

After we had looked at the glow worms we git back up and started walking. Patter Patter. I could hear my footsteps and the other kids footsteps to! Patter Patter. 

Soon I could see a steep bit of dirt and rocks up ahead, I kept walking and.... I found light. We were now all at the start. We got down on our knees like a dog would, and started up for the light. In time we were all up out of the gave sitting on the grass panting like we had just finished a cross country race. 

Some of the other kids wanted to go into the cave again they asked Nic and my dad desperately. Dad said “ask Nic.” “Certainly!” Nic replied! But remember you MUST be back in 17 minutes. OK. They said, and with a flash of lighting they were of. I din’t go back in I was quite happy sitting there drying of my pant and shoes. 

After a few minutes while the other kids were in the cave I was laughing so much that I was getting lots of little dots on my face. Their voices were coming closer and closer. My heart was pounding, I was quite anxious. I was wondering why they were coming back. Well In the end a boy could Cam had was not watching were he was going and fell into the water were there were fresh water crayfish. 

They din’t go back into the cave after that. We all trudged threw the grass talking about our experience. We climbed over the fence and hopped into the car Grace was in the front seat and I was I was in the middle. We drove back to Highland home it was a great caving experience.

Buddy Comment:  It is cool how you have some self thoughts! Although I think that you need to get more of a variety of adverbs.

From Anna 

My first draft.

Here is my first writing draft.

W.A.L.T Entertain

As I hopped into the car and organized seats I was worried. We were going caving! As my dad took me and my friends to the cave I looked out the window and thought to myself, I am nervous but I am going to go first and get in over and down with.

Eventuality dad stopped the car. I hopped out. I also put on my helmet and grabbed my torch that was as bright as the sparkling sun. 

I was shivering with excitement while I tip toed into the cave! It was as dark as the night sky. As I got quarter of the way thorough the cave, I looked down at the ground to find fresh water cray fish wriggling  around in the water with glee. I shifted my body towards the other side of the cave were there were rocks that I could clamber over. 

As I kept walking I could hear in the back of my mind my Dad saying “Keep going Hannah You can do it.” There I found Myself ducking under a tiny bit of rock. I felt suffocated. 

I took a deep breath and worked my way under the rock. 

Peer Comment:

 like the way you used similes and i think improve on using Medford's.